After 3 days in labor, I sat numb and exhausted on a surgical table as my chest burned. I felt every pull and tug in my abdomen, knowing that my insides were exposed as the smell of burning skin filled the room.
I was relieved that the pain of labor had ceased after the epidural kicked in. I was relieved that I would soon meet my baby boy. I was relieved to be resting.
As I held my baby boy for the first time, relief was all I felt. I didn’t feel the instant connection. I didn’t feel the joy of giving birth. I was just glad that it was over.Over the next three days of recovery in the hospital, my joy increased. Sleeping helped a lot. After the codeine kicked in, the newborn flutters came.
My baby boy was here! He was perfect. As family and friends came to visit baby Elijah, the celebration commenced. I was so happy.
After I arrived home from the hospital and the new birth excitement fizzled out, I was left with the raw reality that the c-section that I had was not the birth that I prayed for. I planned on having an all-natural, intervention-free, water birth at the Dallas Birth Center. My husband was going to catch the baby. There would be tears, laughter, and the accomplished thought, “wow, I just pushed a baby out.”Over time, I didn’t think about the birth anymore. I thanked God for my healthy son, my amazing stay in the hospital, and my supportive family. I was blessed.
It didn’t strike me that I still had unresolved feelings until I got pregnant again almost two years later. At my first prenatal appointment, the doctor asked me how my previous birth went. I told her that I was planning for an all-natural birth, and that I had an emergency c-section after having been in labor for three days.
Her face shifted in discomfort. She asked me what type of birth I’d like to try for this time around.
“I’m open to a c-section, but I would like to try for a VBAC.”She proceeded to inform me about the 1% chance of uterine rupture in women who attempt a VBAC, and how it can be fatal in some cases. She told me that her office only recently started performing VBACs, but that most women who ask for a VBAC don’t get approved by their board. She told me that my first baby was big, and that I would likely birth the same way that I did last time. I found this interesting because Elijah was 7 pounds 13 oz, which I never considered to be a “big baby.”
I continued to listen to her humbly, as a wise patient should. I swallowed my pain. I held back tears. I shared this experience with my pastor, Heather Lindsey. She shared with me her raving review about her doctor here in Atlanta. She said that he was kind, gentle, understanding, and performs VBACs regularly.
While I was already on the fence about whether or not I wanted to even try for a VBAC anymore, I decided to call her doctor.My first appointment with Dr. H was completely different than my appointment with the first doctor that I found. Dr. H was kind, gentle, and didn’t flinch at the thought of me trying for a VBAC. He even questioned my Dallas hospital’s decision to perform an emergency c-section.”Why did you have an emergency c-section?”
Dr. H asked me.”Elijah’s head was rotated, and it got stuck,” I replied, nervous to hear his response.”They didn’t just try to rotate the baby’s head?” He questioned.I was dumbfounded. I didn’t even know that a doctor could have attempted to rotate Elijah’s head before jumping to an emergency c-section. In that moment, I knew that Dr. H and his team of doctors would deliver my baby.
As the days passed, I didn’t pray for the birth that I wanted. I was scared. I prayed for a supernatural childbirth my first time around, and that ended in an emergency c-section. Why should I get my hopes up again, only for the strong possibility that my “big baby” would get “stuck” again? The thought of believing again made my heart ache. Weeks passed, and while I was planning for a VBAC, I wasn’t sure if it was possible. I still did not pray for the birth story that I wanted.Weeks continued to pass as the Holy Spirit would tug at my heart.
Whenever He encouraged me to pray for my next birth, I ignored Him. In attempts to protect myself, I didn’t even want to try. Then, my friend Chenise sent me a series of voice memos. Chenise doesn’t text me often, so when I saw that she had something to say, I knew that she had probably been hearing from the Lord.
Her words only confirmed exactly what the Holy Spirit had been telling me. They were in cahoots. She mentioned that God was powerful enough to bless me with the birth story that I prayed for, and that He would be more than happy to do that for me if I would just pray. A peace overcame me.
I knew that it was time to start praying. I knew that it was time to start believing.I began praying for my baby girl, Lily Blair Pittman. I prayed that she would be a healthy baby–not breech, no chord wrapped around her neck, no diseases or deformations, a strong heartbeat, a strong mind, and more. I declared that she would not be in distress during birth. She wouldn’t be rushed, but she would come in God’s perfect timing. I vowed not to ask for her to come early, that I wouldn’t take any supplements or make any labor-inducing recipes. I would take care of my body and believe in its capability to birth my on-time, healthy baby girl.
I’ve been praying even more powerful prayers over who Lily Blair will be–her character, her confidence, and her calling. She will be both gentle and strong, quick to obey her parents and the leading of the Holy Spirit. I can’t wait to meet her. I know she’s going to go further than I go, and that she will be an example to the girls and women of her generation.My prayers were challenged yesterday after failing my 50g glucose test, which tests for gestational diabetes. While this doesn’t mean that I have gestational diabetes, it does mean that my body may process glucose in a way that isn’t ideal. It also means that I have to return for my 100g glucose test next week to confirm whether or not I have gestational diabetes. Last pregnancy, I gained a large amount of weight and I almost failed my gestational diabetes testing. This pregnancy, I have been avoiding added sugars almost entirely.
I’ve been eating fruits, veggies, beans, healthy grains, and I occasionally splurge on chocolate almond milk or something nice and cheesy. I haven’t been giving in to my cravings, knowing that if I’m praying for a healthy pregnancy, I need to be a healthy pregnant woman. Hearing that my healthy efforts may not have changed how my body processes sugar did rock my confidence a bit.But I’m still praying. And I’m still believing. Whenever moments of doubt cross my mind, I’m reminded of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.
If you’re unfamiliar with the names, maybe you remember the story. These were the three courageous young men in the book of Daniel who refused to worship the image of gold erected by King Nebuchadnezzar. Because of their commitment to the only true God, they were threatened to be thrown into a burning furnace to be torched to death for their faith.
Right before their expected end, they said to King Nebuchadnezzar, “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up” (Daniel 3:17).
I’m inspired by these men. They acknowledged that even if God does not rescue them from death, then they would still obey Him. This is the stance that I choose to take when it comes to believing and praying for a spirit-filled VBAC.
It’s as if I’m saying to the enemy, “When I go into labor, the God I serve is able to birth Lily safely without surgery; but even if He does not, I want you to know, enemy, that I will not bow down to fear, doubt or disappointment. I will not worship the god of unbelief.“
If you know how the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego ends, then you’ll know why I’m hopeful.So, despite my initial fears and doubts, I invite you into my story; I’m brave enough to allow you to watch it unfold.
VBAC or C-section, I choose to believe that my God is sovereign and that my God is good. What ever disappointments that you’ve faced in the past, dare to pray and believe again.
I dare you to pray bold prayers and even let others see your faith. And even if God does not give you what you ask for, dare to trust Him anyway. Despite our stories or circumstances, God is always good.
Wow! I am praying for you as well. God is able to do more than we could ever imagine! Whatever plan God has for your labor, will be the most perfect plan hang on to your desire to have a supernatural birth! Hang on to your desire to have your VBAC! God is able
You’re right! God’s plan is the perfect plan! I’m on board with His agenda, and praying for peace!
Amanda thank you for sharing and being transparent. I will come into agreement and pray for you and Lilly. That when its the right timing the atmosphere would be so peaceful and sweet. That you would birth like the Hebrew women did in Egypt during Noah time. In Jesus name
I receive it all!! Your prayers mean the world to me! Thank you!
I prayed and asked God for a VBAC for my second pregnancy. But after 48 hours in labor I ended up with another c-section. Even though the birth didn’t go as I hoped and planned, I was at perfect peace with God because it happened how he intended it to happen. And I healed a thousand times better. I’m praying and believing for your VBAC. The Lord is Sovereign and He can do it.
Praise God for your peace! That’s what I’m hoping for, whichever way my birth goes!
I love this! I’m an undergrad student and I’m shadowing midwives for the summer as I want to be a midwife. I recently attended a VBAC birth and it was beautiful…I am here to tell you that it’s very possible! Many doctors are so quick to jump to the C-section option because they care more about not being sued in case something goes wrong. Smh!Anyway…I’ve been in a similar situation, not concerning childbirth, but I’m so happy that God has restored your hope in Him. He will reward you for your persistence and trust in Him, and I am praying for a safe, healthy birth for you as you want it. Congratulations to you, Michael and little Elijah (who is simply the cutest by the way)!
Thank you so much! Thank you for assuring me that it’s possible!
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing Amanda. “But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (This is the scripture the Lord put on my heart whilst I read this. He is faithful and I’m believing with you sis.
Perfect scripture! Thanks!
I appreciate this post. I had a similar situation with an unexpected c-section with my son. My husband and I are seriously considering having a second baby and my doctor is on board with a VBAC. I’ll be standing in agreement with you that God will honor the desire of your heart to have to birth you hope for. I totally understand having a toddler myself how much easier that would be on so many levels. Congrats on your new addition!
Thank you so much! I’m so glad that your doctor is on board for VBAC. Such a blessing!
Powerful! God can’t fail. No matter what, you win and Lily Blair wins too!
Amen! I agree!
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Praying for your supernatural birth. God’s got you! And he knows your heart and hears every single prayer ❤️ Keep faithful and watch His plans manifest! Eph 3:20 God is good. Encouraging post
Thanks so much for your prayers, Dayna!
Thank you for being transparent, I just recently had an emergency c-section when I planned for a natural birth & already was fearful of getting pregnant again because of the c-section & fearful of praying for a different outcome for next time. This encouraged me to trust God is still God no matter what. Praying for a safe, natural delivery 🙂
God can do it! And even if it goes differently, I believe that He can give you a brand new peace the next time around!
Sending blessings your way! Love the way you write by the way ! ❤️
I appreciate you saying that!
Love love love this!!! It sounds like you found the right doctor too. God is so good and you are spot on in your bold prayers.I would be curious to know what doctor you are seeing as I’m also in the Atlanta area and am in search of a good OBGYN?
Dr. Hsiou at alliance obgyn!
This story moved me. I had to have a c section with my first who was premature in order to save her life. I never experienced labour. I’m 24 weeks pregnant now and terrified. I felt numb and empty as my baby was carted away and I never got to see or hold her. This time I’m hoping for a vbac. Some may think I’m crazy but I want to experience labour. I’m terrified of all the things that could go wrong like it did last time but this post gave me hope to pray for the things I’m worried about and pray over my little one. Thank you for openly sharing this because you’ve helped someone like me!
This brings me so much joy! Keep praying and believing, mama!
Amana, this is just the beginning of you story. Thanks for sharing, it’s absolutely beautiful but also necessary. Keep sharing your stories of transparency because you never know who it will bless to live another day. Be encouraged my Sister. All is well. It’s so worth it. God is so faithful…even when we are not!!! Blessings to you and your family love! It is done in the name of Jesus.
Amen! Thanks, Adrienne!
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I had an emergency c-section with my baby boy 2 months ago. I must say I thought I was weird for not feeling an instant connection with baby. And what made it worse for me is that I ended up in ICU after the birth, so I only properly held my baby the next it. I must say I was very disappointed with myself and with God for not answering my prayers of a natural birth. My complications during birth and post make me feel scared to even think of having another baby. I pray God will strengthen my faith.I’m glad you found peace and strength during this pregnancy. May God grant you your hearts desires.
Lord this is so powerful! I want you to know how inspirational this is. I’m in agreement with you, and I’m believing GOD with you for a VBAC. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 27 weeks pregnant, but I’m believing GOD for a natural childbirth, free of interventions, medications, and surgery. Your testimony gives me the faith to keep believing and trusting and for that I thank you. God Bless you and your family and I look forward to reading your praise report!
I have gestational diabetes too! It’s only temporary and it just takes intentionality when it comes to food choices. You’re not alone! We’re in this together.
liked this post? leave a comment!