Inside of each and every one of us is a burning desire to actualize our lives. It’s not the “prosperity gospel,” it’s simply human nature.
We want to know what we were made for and why we are here. We desire to have rich experience and live life to the fullest. We want to engineer our own destiny. We desire meaningful relationship, heartfelt experience, and unashamed belief.How can we discover these things and accomplish great feats without first finding ourselves?
Amidst all of the chatter and the clutter of life, how do we find the diamond in the rough that is our own identity?
I found myself when I answered God.
He whispered sweet nothings into my ear, even in my most disobedient state. I once slashed his advances and let my sin overwhelm my life. I’ve cheated on Him with the lust of the world. He’s only ever desired to give me good things, yet I have been swept away by the seduction of temptation. Truth be told, the more caught up in the world I was, the less I recognized myself.
When I look back at old pictures of myself, I see a cold, calloused, jealous, insecure, shell of a human being. I was tainted by the world. I was tainted by sin. I hungered for power to compensate for the times that I felt powerless. I thirsted for acceptance to compensate for the times that I felt rejected. I was the furthest from who I wanted to be.Now, I’m in love with who I am.
This is not a result of my own self-discovery; I’ve fallen deeply in love with Christ.I’m amazed by the times that God has forced me to shut my life down–the noise of the internet, the distraction of television, the busyness of being busy–all for me to listen. In the stillness of His presence, He whispers,
“I love you.”
“I’ve always been there.”
“I’ve always been good.”
“You were never alone.”
“I was with you in your pain.”
“I’ve never left your side.”
“You’re my treasure.”
“I am your stillness.”
“I am your center.”
“I am healing you.”
“I am restoring you.”
“I am establishing you.”
“I love you.”
His love, and nothing else, transforms me. As I pursue deeper revelation of Christ’s unfailing love, I sink deeper into His unfailing love. His love is like a scarlet blanket, soft, gentle, and inviting. It covers my wrongs. It nestles my inner child. It soothes my anxiety. It surrounds me and engulfs me the way that sin once did. Where I was once consumed by the weight of darkness, I am now nurtured by the comfort of His love. The more I accept His love, I become more loving. I become more forgiving. I become more gentle. I become more kind. I realize that I am nothing apart from Christ—in Him, I live and move and have my being. I need His loving presence and His loving guidance to reveal to me who He’s truly created me to be.
The best part about seeking God is that He loves to tell you His secrets. He tells you who He’s called you to be. He sends messengers to confirm your calling to you. He shows you metaphors in nature and gives you revelation in passing. He uses the scripture to override your sinful mechanisms. He shows you glimpses of your future so that you don’t have to visualize something that was never for you. You simply have to walk forward in obedience in the path that He has already paved for you.
Your life is already established. God has already given you a name, a purpose, and an expected end. You either become that person, or you don’t. You either walk in obedience, or you don’t.Many people try to construct their own lives and master their own destinies because they don’t trust God. They hide in fear behind the pretense of ambition. They imagine that, instead of presenting them with a gentle blanket of love, Christ approaches them with the hammer of judgement. They think that God desires to “break their will,” as if they’re His pet, and not His child.
Daughter, God loves you. Anything that God has ever asked you to give up is because He loves you, not because He hates you. He has something for you. You want to find yourself?You only find yourself if you’re obedient to God; you only care to obey if you love God; you only love God because He first loved you; you only realize this love if you listen to Him.
He’s calling you. Will you answer?
Wow, what a sweet reminder of how God so delicately wooes us into relationship. Your writing is equally comforting as it is convicting. We must be willing to say “yes” to His will DAILY. You’re such a beautiful writer!!
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